Giving permission to die
Not many things about dying are openly talked about. One of the only things we hear people say is that they gave their family member permission to die. They assured them they would be ok after they were gone. Although this is important and well meaning, we can do more than give permission.
Giving permission is power driven. Even though it is not meant that way, it is an authoritative phrase. What if we soften that down? Say it so it is on equal ground. That it is said with deep reverence of the moment and true acceptance of a the bond between you? The dying person FEELS the gift of your words and truly feels you will be ok?
Instead of saying it’s ok to die, how about we tweak that to be filled with the greatest thing on earth….LOVE.
When my brother was dying I asked him what was the greatest thing on earth. He continued to watch tv and enough time ticked by, I thought he’d dismissed my question. “Love. Not the romantic stuff, but REAL love is the greatest thing on earth,” he softly said.
The dying person is worried about what will happen to you and the other loved ones they are leaving behind. They love you so deeply, they don’t want to leave you. So what if WE love them back? What if we tell them we will always feel their love for us, they will always be in our hearts and we love them so very much we want to see this life journey through with them even into death. That we are honored to be part of their transition to the other side and we are sending our love with them on this precious journey. Not only will we be ok, but the bond of love will never be broken even in death.
In this way, it is not permission, but selfless love. Acceptance that this too is a part of our journey together. It puts you on equal ground. Although you are both embarking on uncharted ground, you know in your hearts both of you will truly be fine. The dying person has your love to be with them on their new journey on the other side. You will keep your love for them with you as you learn a new way to love them. You won’t have their physical presence with you any longer, but their love will be with you always. It’s not the end, it’s just the beginning of a new type of love.