Deep listening
My services NEED to begin long before you ever get ill. Like most things in life, we tend to procrastinate until the last minute. Death is at the top of the procrastination list. Nothing changes the subject faster than brining up the topic of death and dying. It’s THE number one fear in the United States. It’s like addressing the elephant in the room. If we don’t acknowledge it, it can’t come for us.
It’s a well known fact we listen in a conversation just long enough to get a tidbit we can then start forming a response to. We never really hear what the person is saying. The most important details are missed because the nuances of the conversation are completely ignored. Our fast paced world has us trained to catch the highlights, offer an off the cuff, cookie cutter reply or solution. How do you feel when you finally open up even a little bit to someone and get a response like that?
One of the most basic human needs is to be heard. REALLY heard. For someone to be in the present moment with you. Even if they can’t relate to your situation themselves, the fact that they deeply listened to you, tried to understand and feel your meaning is a healing thing.
Our culture has conditioned us now to see a conversation as a one up competition. When did that happen??? Have you ever talked to someone about a topic and their reply was either ignoring what your topic was or change the subject like you never said anything? How did that make you feel? BUT, if someone tells you, for instance, about the skydiving adventure they just had and you reply back with your skydiving adventure, you are seen as playing the one up game. How is that always a one up? It would be a one up IF they had a basic skydive experience but you flew to an exotic location on your private jet, blah blah blah and acted superior like their experience didn’t matter. That’s one up. But if you share in their excitement and have a common ground of what a great experience you both had, THAT is a conversation.
But what about the deep subjects that’s in your heart? Secrets you don’t even want to look at yourself. Fears that creep in that you push down. How does that conversation go? It’s a waste of time that leaves you feeling alone, isolated and empty. Like you don’t matter or aren’t heard when you dare open up and it’s pushed aside or glossed over.
When we talk about end of life planning while we are still healthy, we can get comfortable with the uncomfortable. We only fear the unknown. When we meet death on our terms and initiate the communication, it becomes more comfortable. By the time our end comes, it feels like our favorite comfy outfit. If you’ve put this off until the terminal diagnosis has been given, there is still time and an even greater need to talk it out and be heard.
Not many people can stand in the presence of death without fear, to hear it, touch it and not run away. Even doctor’s focus on hope and healing and not the reality of what is about to happen. Many don’t even know because that is usually passed down to a nurse or you are left with only blood pressure, heart rate and the scientific data about your state of being.
If you want someone who will be with you, deeply listen, witness your situation without judgment or fear, I am here for you. Deeply present, deeply listening.