My brother
I was a broken shell. What was supposed to be the beginning of my life had turned into a living nightmare. My husband left and abandoned my two son’s and me. I started massage school to try to make a better life for us, but instead, I’d lost my mother, father, my aunt that was like a second mom because she was at my childhood home most of my growing up years. She died 3 weeks before my brother. She suffered the same fate as my mom with emphysema and COPD.
My brother was diagnosed with lung cancer one month after our mother’s death. Now I stood, phone in hand, and his wife is telling me we are at the end and it will be hard and she will have to have my full time help.
Of Course I want to be there and do everything possible. We may have been born 11 years apart, but he was my twin. We were so much alike according to everyone.
His cancer spread from his lung to his muscles in his back to his spine. It was a fate worse than death. If you’ve never prayed for someone to die, consider yourself lucky. He became paralyzed 6 weeks before his death. The cancer shattered his vertebrae in his low back. Yes, there is worse things than death.
We are going to focus on the good things. My brother may have suffered tremendously with pain, but he had a good death.
His was good because we did talk about it. We set his room up for his comfort. All of his end of life wishes were granted as best as they could be. We talked about childhood. Reminisced about the good old days. He said if he had known we could spend this much time together and have such fun, he would've gotten cancer sooner. Yes, we even joked about the end of life being near. We ate wonderful food. I would sit on the porch and enjoy his flowers and hummingbirds while he was napping. We talked about deep life subjects like religion, life after death. what it’s like to die, what do you see near death. All the taboo subjects were talked about open and freely. Something we had never done. Emotions were not allowed growing up.
Yes, this is what a good death can look, feel and be like. This death was talked about. Caregivers and helpers put in place, after death was in place. All deaths deserve this specialness. The hospice nurses said they loved coming to his home because it was so peaceful.
Although it felt like it was going to rip my heart out, this was the greatest gift I’ve ever received. It was an honor to have been invited into this sacred space, to offer love and care and to be bedside for the final moment.
He told me to go to St. Augustine and he would see me there after he died. I went and it was the best vacation I've ever had.